(do not) love how femme has become aestheticized to the point where low-income folks that can’t support themselves financially develop imposter syndrome bc they’re unable to relate to everybody else posting about their expensive self care products/jewelry/clothing and how it’s intrinsically linked to their identity
Absolutely!! When we imply that femme is contained in the allure of a $50 manicure, long, straight or wavy light-coloured hair, and designer fragrances, it’s important to think.. who is affected by this? Who are we leaving out? I routinely see posts from low-income, black/brown, hairy, fat, disabled, etc. femmes questioning their own femmeness because they do not fit an ideal that’s often pushed here
At its core, femme is truly about a deep love for (and not just in the romantic and sexual sense) for butches, studs, AGs, etc., and the ability to relate to and find kinship with them. We have been community nurses & healers, archivists, activists, stand-in therapists, interim mothers and big sisters, we have housed & fed community members in need, we have mentored and educated… this is femme. It’s about a unique way of seeing and interacting with the world, the community at large, and especially with your femme and butch brethren.
Of course, it would be historically inaccurate and even a little absurd to claim that visually displaying your femininity hasn’t been a key part of femme identity for many femmes. But when we reduce this element to a shopping list of trendy “girly things” we are missing something crucial- our femininity is a powerful tool we employ, a concept we distort and bend to our will. We shift our interpretation of it as starkly or subtly as we need to. We do it to arouse desire in our lovers, to signal our desire for them as both fiercely passionate and deeply safe and healing, to navigate the world at large to survive, to help our lovers & community survive as best we can, to express ourselves and feel joy in our bodies, our sexuality, and our relationship with gender, and so more. This doesn’t look like “one thing” at all. If it did, it sure as hell wouldn’t be something you can buy, and for many femmes, it’s very far from “hyperfeminine”. It’s hairy, it’s fat, it’s stereotypically androgynous or even masculine, it comes with accessibility aids, it’s spitting on all that shit you have to do for johns/clients, it’s a makeup shade they don’t carry in the drugstore, it’s a hand-me-down skirt that someone’s been wearing for years.
it’s incredibly important to honour the expression and perspectives of femmes who are low-income, disabled, BIPOC, TGNC, and/or currently or formerly employed in sex work.. especially when many of the aesthetics & modes of flagging you’re using come from people who are/were like us.
My narcissistic hoarder mom is kicking me and my sister out because she thinks we’re cluttering up the house! We’ve tried helping her clean but she thinks we’re in her way and chose her material possessions over us.
I’m black, trans, and a lesbian please help if you can id really appreciate it🙏🏽
